Asked not to NIP...

[bicrim]

So, I just got this email from my BIL, who is getting married in two weeks:

Also with regards to the events on both days, I have a big favor to ask of you
> and Kristin. I know that you guys bringing up Elliot with breastfeeding as an
> important part of his young life and personally I think that is great. Kristin
> is not shy about breastfeeding Elliot wherever and whenever the need arises
and
> again I personally do not see a problem with that. However, Lizzie's immediate
> family and her extended family are extremely conservative. So at the church on
> both days, if Kristin needs to feed Elliot, there is a very nice family room
at
> the entrance of the church where breastfeeding / changing could be done. If he
> gets cranky / crying during the actual ceremony she could bring him there
also.
> At the rehearsal dinner there is a deck located next to the room where we will
> be eating, and this area would be good for feedings / changings as well. At
The
> Bellport Country Club we have decided to not really use the bridal suite for
> ourselves, but to use the bridal suite for any baby related activities
> throughout the night - feedings/changings etc. . Lizzie's sister Kristin also
> has a small child (8 months) and she will be using these areas as well on
these
> days. Again, I hope that you and Kristin could do me this huge favor and break
> from your usual routine, and make these small changes to help our day so that
> much smoother.

What do you all think about this? I think it sucks that people see BF as different from sticking a paci or a bottle in a kid's mouth, which I bet would be OK with her "conservative" family. Part of me says it's their wedding and I should not make waves, most of me says fuck that shit. I will of course take the baby out of the church if he is fussy. I will of course use the room to change him and to feed him if he needs quiet. But I will not tell my baby that he can't have boobie when he needs it so that a bunch a prudes can pretend I don't breastfeed. I will be wearing a very discreet nursing dress. What else can I do, to make them happy and stay true to myself and my son? Advice requested!

Comments

[geminigirl]

I'm not a nursing Mom, so take this with a grain of salt, if you want.

At my own wedding, I offered the bridal suite for nursing to the person who attended with a nursing infant. It was "go ahead and use the bridal suite if you need to, for the baby." Which meant, if she's fussy and needs a break, or needs to be changed (because there was much more space there) or you need a quieter place than the reception to nurse, it's available. It wasn't a request for the nursing Mom to use the bridal suite, but an option, if needed. We'd even chosen the bridesmaid's dresses to make nursing as easy as possible in a bridesmaid's dress (two piece, with buttons in the front.)

I can understand where your brother in law is coming from, though I still think it's a weird request. He still may be rather concerned with the impression he makes on her family. At the same time, you're not likely to have a lot of interaction with her extended family after the wedding day, and if NIP has the potential to cause a problem for him after the wedding, that's something to think about. It's possible, that he's opting to make this request now rather than risk a scene at the wedding if anyone there does have a problem with what you're doing. You're not shy about stating your opinion, and well, it might be kind of unpleasant if you and Great Aunt Greta were to get into something over the baby at the breast.

It doesn't sound like he's got a problem with you nursing in general, or even in front of him, but you could obviously better assess how he handles that.

If you were asked not to NIP at the mall, or the beach or the library or something, I woud consider it an entirely different situation, which is weird. But this is more about respecting family-in the sense that your brother in law will be a part of her family, and I tend to feel differently about family than random strangers in a shopping mall.

Ultimately, you need to do what you feel is right. I can, however, see where your BIL is coming from...whether it's right or wrong of him to ask. Perhaps understanding more about why he's asking might help you make a decision?

[owlsarentaholes.livejournal.com]

I think he wass trying to phrase it as nicely as possible but I would probably write back and tell him tough shit. (Actualy, I read your response and I think you did great -- much nicer than I would have been)!

[kiss-my-kitty.livejournal.com]

(dropping in from the julybabies community, congrats btw!)

I personally think it's a load of crap. It seems ridiculous to have to seclude your baby and you from the rest of the goings-on because of "conservatives".
...How will things ever change in regards to the acceptance of breastfeeding if people continue to try to do things like this?

[kiss-my-kitty.livejournal.com]

Er, edit: not julybabies. breastfeeding, I believe. Sorry about that! :)