I woke up around 1 or 1:30 from a crazy ass nightmare about my sister (stepsister) and a swampy/muddy pond kinda thing and a horse.
At 5:35 my mom came in my room and woke me up and she said "Kelly" and then she said "Marie" and so I immediately thought that something had happened to Marie (kelly's mom; she had had cancer for about 10 years at this point and hadn't been doing well at all). But it was Kelly. She had died in a car accident early that morning. She'd been out partying with her friends and they were drinking (we were 17 at the time -- kelly lived in NC with her mom but spent most of the summers with us and she and I talked on the phone every wednesday night and wrote letters to each other just about every week). She got in the car with someone else who had been drinking. She wasn't wearing her seatbelt. They hit the edge of a bridge and went over.
I remember taking a shower that lasted like 2 hours and just crying the whole time. Then I had to go to make the two hour drive to my aunt's house, b/c I had been helping my cousin arrange my aunt's wedding. And when I got home Marie called to talk to me and was going on about how Kelly always called me her sister and that I was closer to her than her adopted sister that she had grown up with. And made me cry more. There's a road we all used to race on as teenagers and I went out there and just drove back and forth for hours.
I can remember everything about that day. When Drew came to the door with one of the youth leaders from the neighborhood churches trying to get kids to come to youth group, and they so weren't the people I wanted to be talking to right then. How we couldn't keep my cousin's son Austin from eating the rose petals at the wedding. how Buddy, my aunt's beagle, layed on the train of her wedding dress during the entire ceremony. How we all made goodnatured fun of my cousin's baby Dustin, b/c he was the ugliest baby ever.
What I remember most about that day though is that it's when I started to cut myself off from other people. I'm pretty sure that's when my wall went up and I ended up hiding myself from everyone, and I pushed all my friends away. But I think it's also when I started really loving Harley. Harley is my half-sister, and she's Kelly's sister too. Three months before Harley was born, my half-sister Bessie (one of my dad's kids) was taken out of our lives, b/c that's what her mother thought was best, and I hated it and didn't want another sister b/c I felt guilty, like I'd be replacing her somehow. So I never really got close to Harley, but with Kelly gone, I realized that I had to fill the role of both her big sisters and take care of her and make sure she knew who her sister was.
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Date: 2007-02-15 04:02 am (UTC)I woke up around 1 or 1:30 from a crazy ass nightmare about my sister (stepsister) and a swampy/muddy pond kinda thing and a horse.
At 5:35 my mom came in my room and woke me up and she said "Kelly" and then she said "Marie" and so I immediately thought that something had happened to Marie (kelly's mom; she had had cancer for about 10 years at this point and hadn't been doing well at all). But it was Kelly. She had died in a car accident early that morning. She'd been out partying with her friends and they were drinking (we were 17 at the time -- kelly lived in NC with her mom but spent most of the summers with us and she and I talked on the phone every wednesday night and wrote letters to each other just about every week). She got in the car with someone else who had been drinking. She wasn't wearing her seatbelt. They hit the edge of a bridge and went over.
I remember taking a shower that lasted like 2 hours and just crying the whole time. Then I had to go to make the two hour drive to my aunt's house, b/c I had been helping my cousin arrange my aunt's wedding. And when I got home Marie called to talk to me and was going on about how Kelly always called me her sister and that I was closer to her than her adopted sister that she had grown up with. And made me cry more. There's a road we all used to race on as teenagers and I went out there and just drove back and forth for hours.
I can remember everything about that day. When Drew came to the door with one of the youth leaders from the neighborhood churches trying to get kids to come to youth group, and they so weren't the people I wanted to be talking to right then. How we couldn't keep my cousin's son Austin from eating the rose petals at the wedding. how Buddy, my aunt's beagle, layed on the train of her wedding dress during the entire ceremony. How we all made goodnatured fun of my cousin's baby Dustin, b/c he was the ugliest baby ever.
What I remember most about that day though is that it's when I started to cut myself off from other people. I'm pretty sure that's when my wall went up and I ended up hiding myself from everyone, and I pushed all my friends away. But I think it's also when I started really loving Harley. Harley is my half-sister, and she's Kelly's sister too. Three months before Harley was born, my half-sister Bessie (one of my dad's kids) was taken out of our lives, b/c that's what her mother thought was best, and I hated it and didn't want another sister b/c I felt guilty, like I'd be replacing her somehow. So I never really got close to Harley, but with Kelly gone, I realized that I had to fill the role of both her big sisters and take care of her and make sure she knew who her sister was.
and for you? Truth or Dare?